Unleash Eros

Men can't control their sexual drive!

I hear and read a lot that it is difficult for men to control their sexual desires and their arousal. In my experience, this is a load of bullocks. Pardon my French! We are masters in controlling (read blocking) our sexual energy.

What I see a lot with the men I work with is what I have also experienced in me (and still do sometimes). Often, the first thing we do in a stressful situation or a relationship crisis is to erect (how ironic) a barrier or block on sexual energy. In a relationship crisis, we can lose attraction to our partners or be rejected by them; at work, we can feel worthless if things do not go well. So, to not have to feel that we stop allowing our sexual energy to flow because we believe we can't go anywhere to channel or relieve it.

Stopping to allow our sexual energy to flow is causing our life energy to stop flowing and, in turn, will prevent the creativity needed to create our life as we want it to be. We can't feel or imagine what excites us anymore. This also stops the creativity to create joy for ourselves, so we end up in a downward spiral.

Interestingly, this is such an easy thing for men to do. It is also fascinating when I realize that we are actually sexual beings and usually have an enormous sexual drive by nature. This sexual drive is precious; we need this energy to penetrate the world, to f@%k every moment open, so to speak.

This is the energy we can channel into everything that needs a boost in our life. It is life!

What is needed to have sexual energy

Often, we think we need sex or masturbation to have this energy flowing, but that is not the case. In many cases, this actually results in the opposite. Do you feel all pumped up to go after a quick relief, or do you feel depleted?

Then again, have you ever felt the excitement when you touched a smooth surface, when you were touched or hugged and felt something/someone against your skin, when you kneaded the dough for focaccia, when you felt the warmth of the sun touching your skin, when you tasted warm custard made with the purest vanilla, or when you got a whiff of a just-opened package of coffee or cacao? Our excitement is triggered by way more than sex. Believe me!

Just give it a try with this exercise from the Wheel of Consent.

Take an object you like and sit with it for a bit. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, ground in your body, and imagine touching this object. Then, slowly move your attention to the object and explore the surface and shape with your fingertips and then with your whole hand. At the same time, notice your body's sensations while doing this. Is there a particular way to touch the object where the sensations are most sensible?

See! There we go!

Eros

Years ago, with the help of Marc Gafni's teachings, I discovered Eros as a beautiful ingredient in my life. When I cook (personally or professionally), it is the ingredient that makes my dishes stand out. When I create, Eros gives that special something to whatever emerges. When I relate, the presence of Eros makes the connection juicy and deep.

I believe the excitement and energy we feel when our sexual energy is flowing is Eros. Eros is the experience of radical aliveness! It is a beautiful energy that we, in the Western world, have mostly exiled into sexuality. This needs to be undone! If we release Eros from sexuality and allow it in every part of our lives (including sexuality!), we will experience life so much more.

If fully available, we can bring Eros into our friendships, relationships, work, sports, and anything else we do. We can experience the juiciness of every part of our lifes. Wouldn't this be amazing?

Stress kills Eros

I firmly believe (and have experienced myself) that stress kills Eros. Whenever we experience stress in our lives (when work doesn't flow, the relationship is stuck, or there is financial stress), it is so hard to have Eros available, to have sexual (and thus life-) energy flow to create constructive relief for that stress.

However, you are the only one who can regain access to Eros in you. You are the only one who can make your sexual energy flow. The trick is to be aware of how your body responds to stress and feel what it needs to open up and prevent building blocks to your life energy.

Collect your tools to reduce those blocks. This can be grounding, breathing, touching yourself or something/someone, slowing yourself down, meditating, exercising, and self-care.

Look out for support from friends or professionals when you are stuck and feeling numb or depleted, and find a way to work on the blocks that prevent you from living life fully.

My contribution

I will do my utmost to create spaces to gain those tools based on 15+ years of gathered knowledge, experience, and healing. All that helped me to release my Eros from sexuality and bring it into everything I do.

• Breathing events,

• Sexuality (shadow) workshops,

• Anger processes,

• Body-oriented psychotherapy sessions,

• Deep trauma work,

• Body-oriented retreats (for men and mixed).

If you are interested, stay tuned or send me a message. I can and will give you more information.

Do not let the block on sexual energy stop you from experiencing life; encounter that block, heal it, and penetrate your life!